Sunday, 31 July 2016

Age and experience

An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old Doberman thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep trouble now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims loudly,

"Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old Doberman nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old Doberman sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Doberman says .......

"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
Bull Shit and brilliance only come with age and experience.
Please share this to five of your close friends for ready reference.

Of course, I am in no way insinuating that you are old, just 'youthfully challenged'. 😃

Saturday, 23 July 2016

THE SUPER MAN

On the eve of Bawali release shortly Rajani kumar is back....

All new series on Rajnikumar:
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Rajnikumar was shot today... Tomorrow is the bullet`s funeral!
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Rajnikumar killed a terrorist in Pakistan 'via Bluetooth'!
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Rajnikumar can draw a straight line with a compass
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Rajnikumar`s pulse is measured in Richter scale!
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The new Rupee symbol is actually Rajnikumar`s signature!!!
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Rajnikumar has a statue of Madame Tussauds at his house!!
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Rajnikumar is the secret of Boost`s
energy;
and Complan is a Rajnikumar boy!
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Rajnikumar participated in 100m race, obviously he came first, but
Einstein died watching that, since Light came second!!
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Intel's new ad: "Rajnikumar Inside"
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When Alexander Graham Bell first used his telephone, he realized that he already had two missed calls from Rajnikumar
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Why does needle of magnetic compass always point towards North??? . . Because, Rajnikumar lives in the South and no one has guts to point at south!!!
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The apple which fell on Newton was actually thrown by Rajnikumar!
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An email was sent from Pune to Mumbai, Rajinikumar stopped it in Lonawala!
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Rajnikumar can whistle in 5 different languages!
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Only Rajnikumar knows why Mona Lisa is smiling.
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Rajnikumar is the person in the world who can make his girlfriend admit her mistake!
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Rajnikumar went to the world cooking championship...of course Rajini won. But
guess what did he make in final??? Lal mirchi ki meethi kheer.

Tuesday, 19 July 2016

NO MALICE HUMOUR ONLY

NO MALICE BUT HUMOUR ONLY NO MALICE BUT HUMOUR ONLY
Where is Kerala heading?

First they closed all liquor shops.
Now they want women to enter Sabarimala temple.

The only 2 places where men usually go for peace of mind.
Where is Kerala heading?

First they closed all liquor shops.
Now they want women to enter Sabarimala temple.

The only 2 places where men usually go for peace of mind.

SEETA AND GEETA

NARAYANA:- TOUCH GEETA AND SWEAR THAT WHATEVER YOU SAY IS TRUTH AND TRUTH ONLY.
RAVANA:-ARE YOU MAD OR WHAT THAT YOU ARE ASKING ME TO TOUCH GEETA.ONLY A FEW MONTHS BACK,I WANTED TO TOUCH SITA AND YOU KNOW THE CONSEQUENCES! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ME! IDIOT?

FALLACY


DELHI TO BHUBANEDHWAR DISTANCE 1600MS
BHUBANESHWAR TO DELHI DISTANCE 1600KMS.
GROUND FLOOR TO 15TH FLOOR 16 FLOORS.
15TH FLOOR TO GROUND FLOOR 16 FLOORS.
MONDAY TO SUNDAY  7 DAYS
SUNDAY TO MONDAY  ONLY 1 DAY !
CHEATING GREAT CHEATING
.

Thursday, 14 July 2016

GLOBALIZATION

Really superb example well written

Question : What is the truest definition of Globalization ?
Answer : Princess Diana's death.
Question : How come ?
Answer :An English princess
with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car
with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian
who was drunk on Scottish whisky:
followed closely by Italian Paparazzis
on Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines.
And moreover this is sent to you by an
Indian
using American  technology, and you're probably reading this on your iPhone or Android or Windows phone or blackberry,
that use Taiwanese chips,
and a Korean screen,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singapore plant,
transported by Pakistani lorry-drivers
That is...

Globalisation!!!!!

Tuesday, 12 July 2016

SUR BAHAR

That was the year of 1958.There was a shop selling only musical instruments of Indian origin at Los Angeles in South california  of United states of America.At that time that was the only shop in the whole of America selling Indian musical instruments. Mr.David Burndard was the proprietor of the shop.
One day an Indian young man aged about 35 years of age with a very ordinary and un impressive dress came to the shop as a customer.No body in the shop showed any interest or paid any attention to him.Jusf out of courtesy and etiquette ,one sales woman Christina by name attended him with a fake smile and interest.The young Indian wanted to see some Sitars.Christina showed him number and variety of sitars but none was his likings for.Suddenly he spotted one Sitar kept in very careful elegant manner on the top shelve of  a show case.He immediately wanted to see that particular Sitar.
On the one hand that Sitar was kept on the uppermost shelve in a very careful manner and as such it was troublesome to bring it down and it was the most costly sitar and presumably beyond the capacity of the Indian to purchase it,Christiana was reluctant but the Indian wanted that Sitar only.The proprietor David Burndard stepped in and as per his instruction,that sitar was brought down.Christiana at that time  informed him nonchalantly that this Sitar is known as BOSS and no Tom,Dick or  Harry sitarist can play it.The young Indian promptly replied "you people may know it by BOSS but in our country it is known as SURBHAR". Then he asked if he could play it for few minutes. David Burnard permitted him.New strings were attached and tuning was done.
The young Indian sat to play the sitar.Lo and behold after few minutes ,all the sales men and women and other emoyees left their work to assemble near  the young Indian.Even the customers leaving their transactions gathered  around the young Indian Sitarist to listen to the magical and hypnotising melodious connotation and annotaton of the rythmic tunes of the seven strings produced by the soft artistic strokes of the trained fingers of the Indian. After finishing the tunes of Alap, Jor and Jhalor when the Indian raised his face,he found a spell bound audience standing before him looking with amazing eyes wide open  and was completely motionless.Slowly the shop filled with the sound of spontaneous claps and claps that continued for few minutes.
The Indian was also very satisfied He wanted to purchase it. David Burnard came forward and asked his credentials.He said" I have heard Ravi Sankar(Ravi  Sankar is not related to me even by satellite barrring some  similirity in the name  )playing sitar and he is the best.But I tell you you are no inferior to Ravi Sankar. I can not sell this sitar but I want to gift it to you"
When the young Indian was coming out of the shop,he was stopped by Christiana who with her emotion choked voice and tears in her eyes begged apology saying her misconception "Let me now accept that you are the rightful owner of this exquisite and  pricelrss sitar.you will go back to your country and I know we will never meet any more.So at this last moment,I request you to  write your name on this one dollar note so that I can keep it for ever with me."
The young man smiled  and wrote his name SALIL CHOWDHURY.

SOME MORE ADDITIONAL INFORMATION FOR THOSE WHO ARE INTERESTED.
Salil after returning to India composed a song which reads as NA  JEONA RAJANI AKHONO BAKI. ... NO NO PLEASE DON'T GO NIGHT IS STILL YOUNG.The musical tone and tune was emanated from that BOSS sitar.. The Hindi  translation of that song OH SAJNA,BARKHA BAHAR AAYEE also from contains the tune from that sitar

Monday, 11 July 2016

Intelligence at its height

Intelligent Bengali Babu

One skinny bony lanky Bengali gentleman was travelling from chennai to Howrah along with his wife by coromondal express. I was also travelling by that train.Being both of us Bengali and me weak in Hindi and English  we became  friends.However I found that gentleman to be talkative and loud mouthed.Some of his experience is really very difficult to digest and unpalatable.yet I had no other option but to listen
Meanwhile a young well built keralite gentleman along with his wife and two kids boarded the train.
Next morning I was busy with the two naughty but lively kids and gave little attention to that Bengali baboo as I was tired of his cock and bull stories.Perhaps that was not liked by that gentleman.After some time when the train was to enter West  Bengal, that  Bengali gentleman picked up quarrel with that keralite young boy over a very trivial issue.In the process the Bengali gentleman used some unparliamentary language and the keralite young man slapped him hard.Even then the Bengali baboo said how dare you? just slap my daughter and I will see you.The other man was angry but just made a symbolic slap on his daughter and asked Yes what can you do !Even though vanquished the Bengali baboo continued to go on and said OK you slap my wife I will simply kill you. The keralite young man repeated the same and slapped the wife very lightly.The Bengali baboo said let Howrah come I will beat you black and blue.The keralite young man replied cooly we all will get down at kharagpur.The Bengali said OK at kharagpur only  I will pay the price.Ultimarely kharagpur station came and that family got down without any hindrance.
The wife of the Bengali baboo got wild and accused him doing nothing to save the prestige of the family.The Bengali baboo laughs out like a mad and  said what more I can do.If he would have slapt me alone you would have told to everyone to my shame.Now all of us have been slapt and the matter would remain confidential.

Saturday, 9 July 2016

Professional language

Every profession has a language of its own.say for example if somebody wants to say that the situation could not be salvaged in spite of best efforts,A doctor will say the operation is not successful while a banker will say oh Ho the account could not be brought out of mock run or shit! all our efforts became NPA  and so on.
Anirban is a small dealer of mobile phone and related services.one day he had his stomach upset and the situation became out of control.So he went to a doctor and explained his problem as follows :-
Sir my sim card in my stomach does not work properly.outgoings continue endlessly coupled with continuous vibrations in my stomach. Added to it new ring tones are heard with new connotation and annotation one  after another and the balance in my stomach is fully exhausted.Even it is recharged sir it is discharged just within 5 minutes.Even miss calls are being responded unintentionally.sir I am really at a loss without any tower. Please deactivate the scheme.
Last but not least I request you all to tell how this would have been told by a banker

Commando

Once my friend  surya was being interviewed for the  post of a commando in Army.

Interviewer: We want a person with suspicious mind , always alert, merciless, ready to attack, acute sense of hearing, detective ability,de7ceptive smiles,poisonous tongue  and most importantly having a killer instinct!!! So do you think you are eligible???

Surya: Sir.... Can my wife Baishali apply?
No Surya was not selected and Baishali never applied for the job.But both of them lives a happily married life ever or Surya at least pretends to do so or else who wants to be the subject of the  object of an unptofessional commando.

Wednesday, 6 July 2016

Rathayatra

To day being the auspicious day of Rathya yatra, my wife asked me to bring the necessary puzza materials from the market with a list depicting all the articles including fruits etc from the market to have a small puzza in the house. I did it but at the time of arranging it by the priest,it was found the 5 pieces of different fruits to be kept on a betel leave each was not brought.The fruit market is at a distant place and the time was odd.To manage the situation,,I took out the bottle of guava, pineapple,mango,litchi  and a strawberry jam/jelly and kept them over the betel leave each instead of the fruits and in addition kept one mixed fruits jam bottle too in case the priest objects to straw berry jam.
My wife came and it was a  prematured Reverse Rathya yatra for me and still I am running without any immediate respite in sight.

Tuesday, 5 July 2016

GURU NAM KEVALAM

Classic.. must must read  GURU NAM  KELLAM. 

One day The guru told the disciple :
Go to the rose garden and come back with the tallest rose plant. One condition is that you should not come back the same path you took while going.

The disciple went to the garden and came back empty handed. When asked why, the disciple gave his answer:

As I went in, I saw a tall beautiful tree. But, I kept going on for the next tree expecting a better tree. But moving forward, I came across only smaller plants and since, I cannot come the same path back, I had to return empty handed.

The guru said: this is *Love*

Then he said: now go to the sunflower garden and bring the most beautiful sunflower plant.

Now the additional condition is that once you pluck a sunflower plant, you can't pluck another.

Now the disciple goes into the garden and comes back quickly with a plant. The guru asks, is this the most beautiful plant?

The disciple says: No guru. Based on my previous experience, I did not want to miss and hence, I took the first plant which looked beautiful to me. On the way back, I saw more beautiful plants but since I was not allowed to pick another plant, I came back with the plant, I had originally picked.

The guru smiled and said: this is *Marriage*...

Sunday, 3 July 2016

LEARNING GERMAN LANGUAGE WAS NEVER SO EASY

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other
possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

And....

Congratulations...!  You have learnt German within minutes...
😳😜😝

COMMAND OVER LANGUAGE

A cop stops a drunk man and ask "how high are you?"

The man replies. "That is wrong English. You should say 'Hi how are you?'"😂