Professional language

Every profession has a language of its own.say for example if somebody wants to say that the situation could not be salvaged in spite of best efforts,A doctor will say the operation is not successful while a banker will say oh Ho the account could not be brought out of mock run or shit! all our efforts became NPA  and so on.
Anirban is a small dealer of mobile phone and related services.one day he had his stomach upset and the situation became out of control.So he went to a doctor and explained his problem as follows :-
Sir my sim card in my stomach does not work properly.outgoings continue endlessly coupled with continuous vibrations in my stomach. Added to it new ring tones are heard with new connotation and annotation one  after another and the balance in my stomach is fully exhausted.Even it is recharged sir it is discharged just within 5 minutes.Even miss calls are being responded unintentionally.sir I am really at a loss without any tower. Please deactivate the scheme.
Last but not least I request you all to tell how this would have been told by a banker