TIT FOR TAT

A very busy doctor married an ordinary girl.
The wife naturally wanted more attention and time from her husband but the doctor failed to fulfil her desires for obvious reasons.
One day while the doctor was leaving for the hospital hurriedly early in the morning, the wife asked her husband to put the lock of the main gate in right shape which was not working properly.
The doctor became very angry and asked his wife if she considered him as a black smith.
Again on some other day, the wife again asked her husband to set right the cistern which was not working properly and the doctor husband again ridiculed his wife stating that he was not a plumber by profession.
Again after few days she requested her husband to bring two flower pots  for her  so that she could keep them on the balcony  and the the doctor again refused to do so saying he was not a gardener.
One day after returning the home in the night, the doctor found a new lock on the door, a new flash in the toilet and two flower pots  on the balcony.He asked if his wife could engage a person to put all these things in right place and shape!
The wife said nopes! "It had been done by Bibhu,the elder son of land lord but against one condition". The doctor became curious and wanted to know the condition. The wife said Bibhu wanted to have a chicken fry or a  day out with her for datinng.The doctor cum husband hurriedly wanted to know if his wife had treated Bibhu with the chicken fry!
The wife cooly asked him if he considered her as waitress of KFC!

TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION

Turning the pages of History.
Though train tracks  were laid much before 1909,there did not exist any toilet in any of the  bogies of passenger or express trains.
Sometimes in the year of 1908,a train came and halted at a station Called Ahmedpur in Birbhum district West bengal.
One Bengali gentleman  sri Okhil Chandra Sen had to go the platform enclosed toilet to attend to the nature's call. While easing himself, he heard the whistle of the train indicating departure from the station. Somehow he came out of the toilet holding the lota ( spherical ware vessel made of copper or aluminium)in one hand and the edge  of  dhooti on the other and started running towards the train which by then was leaving the station slowly.He even signalled the guard to stop the train but the guard did not pay heed  to his request and in his bid to board the train, he overturned on the platform in an awkward position. Having been felt insulted, he left the station and subsequently wrote a letter of complaint
to the authority in the year of 1909 that  it
was  necessart  for making arrangements of  a toilet in the train for convenience of the passengers.He stated that his stomach was highly overcast coupled with matching bolts and lightening due to overeating of jackfruits the previous night that made him compelled to go to the station enclosed toilet but the guard was heartless not to take his genuine problem in consideration and waived at the train to leave the station leaving him in lurch. The same letter is still kept in the Delhi Railway museum and the Britishers took immediate  steps to introduce the toilet in the trains.
Please salute that Bengali gentleman if you happen to use the toilet now even during your train journey.
The letter in original.....
A letter  which  created history*
Date: 02 - 07 - 1909
Divisional Railway Officer,
Sahibgunj,

Respected Sirs,
I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too much swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I doing the nuisance that guard making whistle blow or train to go off and I am running with lotaah in one hand and dhoti in the next when I am fall over and expose all my shocking to man and female women on platform. I am got  at Ahmedpur station. This too much bad, if passenger go to make dung that dam guard not wait train five minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honour to make big fine on that guard for public sake. Otherwise I am making big report to papers.(ORIGINAL LETTER)

Your faithful Servant,
Okhil Chandra Sen

(THIS IS A TRUE INCIDENT)

Sensational sense beyond sixth sense

A blind man in a restaurant and asked for a menu card  in braille  script

Manager -sorry Sir ??

Man - I'm blind ....ok, just bring me ur kitchen spoon, I'll smell it & order.

Manager got a spoon
Blind man smelt & said "Yes, I'll have garlic bread with seasoned potatoes...

"Unbelievable" said the manager...

Every week he came & was correct each time.

Once manager wanted to trick him, He went to the kitchen and told his wife
"Rub this spoon on ur lips". She rubs it on her lips and gives it to her hubby...

Blind man smelt & said,
"Oh ! My God......!!
My old friend  Tuntuni   also works here!!

Manager  suffered  a serious  heart attack

Reunion special

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others of your owvn age and thinking, "surely I can't look that old.". Well . . . you'll love this one..The stuff is from my own very recent  experience. I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new advocate.

I noticed her LLB degree on the wall, which bore her full name.

Suddenly, I remembered,a tall , very  pretty girl with a lock of dark-hair up-to her waist with the same name had been in my high school class some 40--45-odd years ago.

Could she be the same girl that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing her,  however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired lady with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After she examined my case, I asked her if she had attended St Xavier's collage  Kolkata!

"Yes. yes, I did.' she gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.
She answered, "In 1977. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!!!!", I exclaimed.
Shee looked at me closely.

Then,
that
ugly,
old,
bald,
wrinkled faced,
gray-haired,
decrepit,
idiot lady
asked,

"What subject did you teach" ?" 😍😍😍😛😛😛😜😜😜

DEFINITION OF MATERIALISM"

A very successful attorney parked his brand new Porsche 911 Turbo in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came barreling down the road, drifted right and completely tore off the driver's door. Fortunately, a cop was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the now door-less Porsche with his lights flashing.

Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming hysterically about how his precious Porsche, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again, would never be the same. And that being an attorney, he was going to sue the truck driver, his employer and even his drivers education teacher!

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief, "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are!" he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!"

"OH, MY GOODNESS!" screamed the lawyer. . . "My Rolex!"

PARADOXES OF LIFE

The man who has to walk through the rain to hide his tears,suppress his sadness beneath his choked throat,travel in a crowded bus with high fever and in a state of dilirium at any cost  but without a seat to prove his masculinity,is also a human being like others.He may have to spend countless days in the police lock up along with other criminals on an alleged  charge of outraging the modesty of a female just on the basis of a complaint but without any evidence or prior investigation under the guise of a  highly biased law or may be subjected to venomous taunts by his wife for his incompetence of  not being able to satisfy the greed over the need and ultimately becomes a patient of depression.The society makes  fun of his sentiments, he is termed as hen pecked in case he gives equal status to his wife,may be termed as un smart if he is gentle and law abiding and again the same person is termed as bad in case he becomes unruly.
But the society fails to recognise that he is equally defeated and deprived like any other females.But above all he is a man and man only and his sorrows sufferings have to be  evaporated  just like inhaling the smoke of cigarette after cigarettes.The society will become adult only when the bad or good will depend not on genders but on its motives.Let all the die hard fans of feminists understand that as  all females  are not the symbol of goddess Durga,all men are not like Baba Ramrahim but there are persons who are like Barun Biswas  too. If at all it happens ,then that day may be celebrated as international men's day like international women's day.
Happy international men's day
Be not just a man or a woman ,but a human......

Goals of life

Doctor's life goals:
1. Become a doctor
2. Marry a doctor
3. Have kids
4. Make them doctors
5. Get them married to a doctor
6. Die.

Banker's life goals:
1. Study well to become at least graduate with good marks and be a banker by being selected through  difficult competitive exam/interview
2. Ask your siblings not to become a banker
3. Ask your friends not to  be a banker
4. Tell everybody not to accept banking job even by mistake
5. Die watching everybody still choosing  banking as career.
😎

Management lessons III

A hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he

woke up and realized that all his hats were gone. He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats.

The hat-seller sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down. While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment, the monkeys were doing
the same. Next, he took down his own hat, the monkeys did exactly the same. An idea came to him, he took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys
did that too. So he finally managed to get all his hats back.

Fifty years later, his grandson, Laloo, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather. One day, just like his grandfather, he

passed by the same forest. It was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor. He woke up and realized that all his hats

were taken by the monkeys on the tree. He remembered his grand father's words, started scratching his head and the monkeys followed. He took down his hat and

fanned himself and again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather's idea, Laloo threw his hat on the floor but to his
surprise, the monkeys still held on to all the hats. Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave him a slap and

said.................

"You think only you have a grandfather?"

Moral
~~~~

The market is dynamic and the strategy which works today may not work tomorrow, hence, the need of continuous innovations.

FALL BACK

Who is your fallback..!!.👌👌

People help you the way they know to help you. To help you to come out of stress, one friend will ask you to drink and another will ask you to meditate.

To overcome hurt, one friend will ask you to take revenge and get even, and another will ask you to forgive and get ahead with your life. ‘Who is your fallback’ makes all the difference.

Duryodhana’s predicament, in his own words, was, “I know what is right but I am not able to indulge in it. I know what is wrong but I am not able to avoid it.” He needed a fallback. His fallback was his uncle Shakuni, and resultantly, Duryodhana moved from bad to worse.

Arjuna’s predicament was different. He was allowing his personal emotions to dominate his sense of duty, and hence wanted to escape from the responsibilities he had towards upholding righteousness. He needed a fallback. His fallback was Krishna, and resultantly, Arjuna was restored to his greatness.

Humans we are, at some point or the other, we all  need a fallback. ‘Who is your fallback’ makes all the difference.

Choose Well

Happy Morning

THE FOLK SONG OF BAMBOO (BANSHER PANCHALI)

THE FOLK SONG OF BAMBOO (Bansher Panchali)
Some spirited and genius people have developed a noble culture of donating or gifting bamboos to others with or without any slightest provocation.The art of placing bamboo at the right place and time to the desired person has undergone many improvisations through ages to give it to the shape of a fine art.
There is no denying a fact that few people   of some  particular  states of our country have been practising this super art since time immemorial and donating bamboos even without asking for has become an integral part of their life cycle because of some historical and family  reasons. Their continuous practice makes them so expert that they can complete the assignment without batting the eye lids sans any flaunt or fault.
The persons desireous of giving bamboos know the different types or variety of bamboos available in the whole of world and it's consequences if placed properly.It is they who have developed the game of going up and slipping  down  a portion by a poor  monkey on a bamboo dipped in oil to give the bamboo an oily surface.And the same bamboo is now  given to the innocent students to calculate the time taken by a monkey to scale it up ultimately.
The teachers give bamboos to the students who in turn give to their parents and parents in turn to their respective spouses and they to their respective in laws.Like this bamboo rotates from one to another and completes the  GOLDEN circle.A piece of bamboo is so powerful that it can run few generations in a speed faster than light and remove generation gap in no time The boss gives bamboo to his next man who pases it  down to the one but no body can give bamboos to the Award staff members who have got more sharper bamboos to retaliate.Similarly the junior officers are also expert in placing bamboos to their seniors at an opportune moment and never misses the opportunity. The CBI and Enforcement directorate  are ever willing and generous to give bamboos to all and sundry.It is said that Chinese bamboos smell strongly of Maoist culture and it is difficult and typical a question to decide as to whether a tender bamboo stem or a matured bamboo is more effective in its proper usages.
The flute of Lord Krishna is made of super fine bamboo that was properly placed at  the right place of Ayan Ghosh.Similarly all the pandals of Durga puza particularly in Bengal will be made of bamboos and bamboos only as a structure over which various other crafts and designs will be created to decorate them as fairy land.However the entire arrangements of pomp and glory will be arranged by drawing proportionate donation in terms of money from different persons and corporate against  poetic application of the bamboos utilised for the consideration of the pandals.The organisers of  various puza committees and the followers in particular and public in general will not even hesitate to apply bamboo on the most powerful goddess too as it can be evident from the back of the idol that a piece of bamboo  is placed diagonally on the back of the image with an amazing mathematical accuracy to bear the entire load and allow the idol  to stand with all its  Valour ,pomp and glory.In local language this is called "THEKNA".
This THEKNA is very much necessary in your service life too  to prosper to endure survival of the fittest.
Bamboos have become the part of our lives and our creditability and power depend on the class,variety,pedigree,shape and size of bamboos we have in our arsenal , to be placed to others as per our will.However one should be careful and  cautious enough to prevent backfire and bamboozled.
Every body now a days have become crazy to learn the art of donating bamboos.And that's why almost every body  now a days can be seen with minimum of two bamboos ;one of which is affixed permanently and the other hanging loosely on the hand to place it to the proper place at the earliest.  The satisfaction of the donor in donating bamboos soars in to the region of heavenly sublimity while fixing the bamboo to the desired person at the right place and time while the donee accepts it philosophically thinking that suffering for a good cause is no less a reward because what can not be cured must be endured but wait patiently to return the same with interest at an opportune time.This is the only debt which seldom become  NPA.
The Bamboo tradition still goes on and will go on to ever
P.S.The list of ways and means of donating bamboos given in this post is illustrative and indicative only and in no way exhaustive . Further the post is written in a satirical manner and not to hurt any body

ELECTION

Wife:-Prior to marriage, you had taken me out  to so many places movie, restaurant,Victoria shopping mall etc and that too on all the days.But after marriage I find yourself glued to the house only.Never ever you have taken me for an outing!
Husband:-Have you ever seen any election campaign after the vote is over ?

Legality

The professor in an LLB class asked the students as to what they should say while giving an orange to another person!
One student replied "please take this orange"
The professor demanded the answer legal language.The student  then said:--
I Sri Becharan s/o kenaram residing at po and vill Mukundpur in the district of south 24 parganas within the state of West Bengal India do hereby solemnly and in full sense and knowledge  without any undue influence or coercion from any body state that this citrus fruit which is known as orange over which I have absolute ownership is now being given to you in totality along with its peel/skin,juice,segments with little sections, seeds /peeps and white stringy fibrous material called pith unconditionally with an absolute right to you to cut,tearoff,suck or to keep it in fridge in any way that you deem fit either for consumption or otherwise .
I further transfer the right unconditionally to you to gift the same either in full or its different parts detailed as herein above to any other person of your choice.
I further declare and undertake that this orange is free from all litigations or dispute whatsoever in nature and that I will be held responsible for any dispute at a later date regarding my  ownership or otherwise showing my lack of authority to gift the said orange.
Further I declare that I  cease my all rights over that orange details of which has been given in annexe  "A" from now
                 .....Annex A...
.A round type citrus fruit weighing about 176 gms with dark orange in colour from the family Ruthven in sapindales order from Magnoliopsida class and Magnoliophyta division.
(Idea collected in vernacular)

YOU DECIDE

Just to day one of my friends told me that he is a better actor than Amitabh
Bachchan.I just managed myself to hold on to the ground from being fallen at his attrocious comment and asked him to explain.
He  told me that yesterday he was watching one movie of Amitabh along with his wife on TV at about 10 pm. Amitabh was acting the role of a drunkard and it was so good that his wife exclaimed that was called acting as the actor portrayed the role of an intoxicated person without taking a drop of Alcohol.
My friend simply laughed by his mind.
My friend then asked me  " which one more is  difficult! To act as a drunkard without touching a single drop of alcohol or to act perfectly  normal in front of a sniffer God after consuming a full bottle of whisky?"
I had no reply! Do you know the answer?

All you want

1.what are the qualities you want to have with your life partner?
2.I have not thought as such on this matter. But still I am given to understand that Brazilians are having a great heart while the Bengalis are very romantic!
3.Oh great By the by Do you know my name!
4.No What is your name?
5.Ronaldo Banerjee

Marketing strategy

Panchuda of our locality is the owner of a shop dealing in stationery goods.He is extremely popular among his customers because of his innovative usp.He never returns his customer even if the item sought for is not readily available in his stock. He would give the customer something substitute of the item with a polite rsauest to manage that day with the substitute and a firm assurance to make the original item available on the next day.in the process the customer is happy while patchu da expands his business  activities to his satisfaction.
One day during the lunch time, panchu before going to his house to have his lunch askes his employee to manage till he comes back and not to return any customer in the meantime.
After few minutes, a customer appears and has asked for a roll of tissue papers. The employee informs him that tissue paper is not presently available and offers  him  some sand papers to manage for the day while tissue paper would be made available on the next day.

Truth is stranger than fiction

ALMOST  A  FACT

✨Mental Venky

Venkat went  to a bank to open a S.B.  A/C.
After seeing the Form he went to Delhi for filling it up.
You know why?
Form said: 'Fill Up In Capital.'
😀   
Venkat standing below a tube light with open mouth.
Why?
Because his doctor advised him: 'Today's dinner should be light !'
😃
On romantic date Venkat  gf asks him:
'Darling ! On our engagement will you give me a ring?'
He said: 'Sure ! What's your phone no.?'
😀
Venkat found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
What will come first, chicken or egg?
what ever u order first will come first.
😀
Teacher told all students to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except Venkat
He wrote:'Due To Rain, No Match!'
😀
What does Venkat  do after taking a Xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
😀
Venkat& wife buy coffee in a shop.
Venkat: Drink quickly before it gets cold.
Wife: Why?
Venkat: Hot coffee $5 and cold coffee $10.
😀

Manager asked Venkat  at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Venkat replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.
😃

After returning back from a foreign trip, Venkat  asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Venkat: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
😁😉

Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
Venkat writes, "Gandhi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.
😖😠

Interviewer: just imagine you are on the3rd floor, it caught fire
and how will you escape?
Venkat: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!
😝😜✌

Venkat: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Venkat: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
🙌👉😝😁

Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Venkat: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!
😘😍

Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Venkat : "All are born on government holidays...!!!
😭😂✨

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Venkat : Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE
👏✋😜😝.😂😂😂😉😜.                                How come Venkat replaced Santa/Banta?

Bitter Truth

If Columbus wold have been married to a Bengali lady, he would not have been successful to discover  America. Because his wife wold invariably have shot the following volley of questions:-
Where are you going?
With whom you are going?
How are you going?
What are you going to discover?
When do you come back?
How long will it take and why?
Can you not discover it here?
What will happen if you don't discover?
Why are you always interested to discover?
No other person is there to drive the wild buffaloes by taking meal from his own house?
What shall I do here alone?
Will you have lot of friends with you No?
And there will be a fountain of alcohol to be gulped by all of you No?
OK come back home I will teach you a good lesson!
Colombus:- Leave it I AM NOT GOING😁😂😀

Amazing english

Once Iswarchandra Vidyasagar asked Michael Madhusudan,
Can you make a full paragraph without the letter "E"?

Michael Madhusudan answered,

"I doubt I can. It’s a major part of many, many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour.  It’s as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap, or shitting without a butt. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights?  Why should I strain my brain? It’s not worth doing."

Evaluation

A Student who got 0% Marks, was surprised because his all answers were seemingly correct !
Read his answers and have a blast.

Q.1 - In which battle did Tipu Sultan Die ?..

Ans. - In his Last Battle..

Q.2 - Where was the Declaration of Independence Signed?

Ans. - At the Bottom of the Page..

Q.3 - What is the Main Reason for Divorce ?..

Ans. - Marriage..

Q.4 - Ganga Flows in which State ?..

Ans. - Liquid State..

Q.5 - When was Mahatma Gandhi Born ?..

Ans.- On His Birthday..

Q.6 - How will you Distribute 8 Mangoes among 6 People ?..

Ans - By Preparing Mango Shake..!!

Q.7 - India Me saal bhar Sabse Zyada Baraf Kaha Girti Hai...???

Awesome Reply By Student :- "Daaru K Glass Me..."

Q. 8 - Why Hindu Law does not permit Second Marriage...???

Answer :
Indian Constitution - Article 20(2)-says, "No man can be punished twice for same offence"
😝😀😀
Have a nice day with laughing day
(Collected)

Gender of brains

🏪 In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in and said "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news; the only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain Transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the Brain yourselves."

One of the family members asked "how much does a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "Rs. 50,000 for a male brain, and
Rs. 200 for a Female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.

A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled and said "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the Price of the female brains, because they've actually been used.... the male brains are hardly ever used by the owners. So they are as good as new!"

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!!!

🍻 Cheers to all the Ladies! 😜😝😛😂 

👍👍 Gals rock!! 💃💃
(collected from Aniruddha Rakshit)

Bhaubali III

IS IT A FACT THAT BAHU BALI  IS THAT HUMAN BEING WHO  PUT HIS FOOT FIRST ON THE MOON?THOSE WHO ARE SAYING HAVE A SOLID LOGIC  TOO. ENGLISH BEING THE INTERNATONALLY ACCEPTED LANGUAGE HE ONLY GOT HIS NAME TRANSLATED IN ENGLISH ie ARM (BAHU)STRONG (BALI)!

YES THE AGONY

ANURAG:-HEY WHY ARE YOU SO TIMID AND SILENT TO DAY.
RAJESH:-NOTHING. THAT GIRL SAID YES TO ME.
ANURAG:-CONGRATS MY FRIEND.CELEBRATE.
RAJESH:-NO NO I ASKED THAT GIRL IF SHE HAD ANY BOY FRIEND AND SHE SAID YES.😁😂😃

uimmmmha

Rajesh to his girl friend on mobile phone:-what happened !you have not wished me to night before going to bed ?
G/F:- Oh sorry ummmhha OK!Now fall asleep.I will also fall asleep now.
The G/F  fell asleep  but not Rajesh.He will have to make at least 3 more calls to repeat and listen to the same vocal chord exercise.
Disclaimer:--The reverse is also possible.Its not a one way traffic

ME AND TREE

I had  seen the life from a very close quarter.I had seen it coming to me and loving me in the way I used to love myself.I had seen my life to leave me all on a sudden without any indication.yes I had a knee fall with a strong jerk and felt as if to be  lifeless  but withstood it to  stand on the ground again. Now I stand on the soil and have become like a big banyan tree giving shelter to different colours of birds and  reptiles like snaked,scorpions, chameleons and animals like jackals, fox squirell etc.I endure the painful bites of them but never retaliate as my soul teaches me to behave  with rationality and not with  animality.
I also give shade to tired and hopeless travellers giving them solace and courage.Most of them donot leave me till their problems are solved and come back  to my shade even more than 20 times a day for help and assistance.
Then they slowly  disappear  from my association  in the ordinary course of their lives  and I always take it as a rule rather than exception. 
Maturity is not growing up by your age but it means the time when you start understanding the small things.In this way my soul has become soil; the soil that holds everything.My life has become my mission.Now I am the life of my own and my soul has become the soil which may not be omnipotent or omniscient but omnipresent.
My soul will be beside you always whenever you want at your distress  The so called life taught me so many darker side but had given me enough tolerance and wisdom.Let my entity be merged with my soul till it turns in to "withstand all"soil.
P. S. I have borrowed the entire idea from one of my most intelligent student and a very efficient bank officer. In fact the above is roughly the trandlation of a piece written ny her in bengali.If she agrees I will definitely expose her name who is not a bengali but 1000%more a bengali than any one of us

Customer is king

on board flight of a Foreign Airways,a lady let her child sit on the toilet seat to enable him to ease himself and asked him to sit  there   till she came back to take him back.Meanwhile the child completed his nature's call and left the toilet and went to the other side of the plane.
Ram Babu in the mean time occupied the toilet to relieve him while there was a gentle knock on the toilet door by that lady of the child asking him(under the impression that his child was still inside)"Is it over?Then please open the door.Let me wash you and help you to wear the trouser"
Rambabu was totally amazed and thought about the level of customer service.It reminded him the corporate bye line of the Foreign airways ..-- Every customer is  god to us.our duty is to transform your satisfaction to your delight.

THE ART AND SCIENCE OF BOSS MANAGEMENT

MANAGEMENT LESSON  III

Ek Manager telescope se aasmaan dekh raha tha.

Aasman se ek tara toota.

Tabhi paas khada employee chillaya- "Wah boss kya nishana lagaya hai!!"

God is the ultimate factor

Just Loved these lines written by Sophia Loren (Actress)... "When I got enough confidence, the stage was gone….. When I was sure of Losing, I won……. When I needed People the most, they Left me……. When I learnt to dry my Tears, I found a shoulder to Cry on…… When I mastered the Skill of Hating, Someone started Loving me from the core of the Heart…… And, while waiting for Light for Hours when I fell asleep, the Sun came out….. That’s LIFE!! No matter what you Plan, you never know what Life has Planned for you…… Success introduces you to the World But Failure introduces the World to you… Always be Happy!! Often when we lose Hope and think this is the end… God smiles from above and says- “Relax sweetheart; It’s just a Bend, not the End..!"(sanjay  Bangal please read it and go with confidence.Happy tomorrow )

Possible only in India

SOME IRONIES THAT CAN EXIST ONLY  IN  INDIA

1) Politicians Divide us, Terrorists Unite us
.
2) Every one is in a hurry, but no one reaches in time

3) Priyanka Chopra earned more money playing Mary Kom, than the Mary Kom earned in her entire career.

4) Its dangerous to talk to strangers, but it's perfectly ok to marry one

5) Most people who fight over Gita and Quran, have probably never read any of them

6) We rather spend more on our daughter's wedding than on her education

7)The shoes we  wear are sold in airconditioned showrooms, the vegetables we eat are sold on the footpath..

8) Most of the guys who are ignored by Girls in young life, are actually the nicest and better husband material :)

9) We live in a country where seeing a policeman makes us nervous rather than feeling safe

10) In IAS exam, a person writes a brilliant 1500 words essay about how Dowry is a social evil. Impresses everyone and cracks the exam.One year later same person demands a dowry of 1 crore, because he is an IAS officer.

11) Indians are very shy and still are 121 Crore.

12) Indians are obsessed with screen guards on their smartphones even though most come with scratch proof Gorilla Glass but never bother wearing a helmet while riding their bikes.

13) Indian Society teaches
'Not to Get Raped',  rather  'Don't Rape' !

14) Reserved people get more benefit than deserve people...!

15) The worst movies earn the most

16) It is shallow to ask for dowry but prospective bridegrooms should make six or seven figured salaries , preferably settled in U.S.

17) A porn-star is accepted in society as a  celebrity, but a rape victim is not even accepted as a normal human  being.   
                     
Best ever lines:         
                         
Try to understand people before trusting them ...

Because we are living in such a world, where artificial lemon flavor is used for "WELCOME DRINK"

and real lemon is used in "FINGER BOWL"...!!

Satan and HR Manager

One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Manager was hit by a bus and she died.

Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was greeted by God himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said God.

"Well, what we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.

"Sorry, we have rules. You will have to stay in hell and haven one day each and then to give your preference"

And with that God put the HR Manager in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out into the hell with a beautiful golf course. And a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. they talked about old times.

She met the Devil who was really a nice guy and she was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave.

Everybody waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found God waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours around on clouds and playing the harp and singing.

She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and God came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So God escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth.

She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and said:
...
...
...
....
....

*"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an employee".😁😁😁*

☝Dedicated to all companies...
(Dedicated to all HR IN GENERAL AND MY DEAREST GUDAPPA VENKY SNIBA SAN IN PARTICULAR)

Divide and Rule

1st Employee:Sir I am very glad you r my manager.
Manager: Thank you. But beware of other employees..
2nd employee: Sir u r the best..
Manager: Thank you.. My dear u r best one.. But beware of 1st Employee....
3rd Employee: Sir what r u doing?
Manger: Dear u r my best employee...these two r complaining about u and ur work...
3rd Employee: ooh sir thanks u for ur support.. Now see what I am doing with these 2...
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.......
Manager:-😌now relax.....
How smart I am......

These all r stupid..

They're thinking I am best for them.. But I am doing my best work... For achieving my goal....

This is called divide and rule....

(THIS IS NOT ONLY APPLICABLE IN JOB SCENARIO BUT IN OTHER RELATIONS TOO)

What goes out comes back

Bit lengthy but worth a read.

His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog.

There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.

The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved. 

'I want to repay you,' said the nobleman. 'You saved my son's life.'

'No, I can't accept payment for what I did,' the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel.

'Is that your son?' the nobleman asked.

'Yes,' the farmer replied proudly.  

'I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of.' And that he did.

Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St Mary's Hospital Medical School inLondon, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted

Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.

Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia. What saved his life this time? Penicillin.

The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill ... His son's name?

Sir Winston Churchill

Someone once said:

What goes around comes around.

Work like you don't need the money.

Love like you've never been hurt.

Dance like nobody's watching.

Sing like nobody's listening
If at all you want to cry
Cry in rain so that no body
Could see.

May there always be work for your hands to do; 

May your purse always hold a coin or two;

May the sun always shine on your windowpane;

May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;

May the hand of a friend always be near you;

May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

And may you be in heaven a half hour before the devil knows you're dead..

If you wish, wish  to all. 🙏🏻

MASTERPIECE

Following a bitter  quarrel between Rajesh and his wife ,Rajesh consumed poison to commit suicide.
But he did not die but became very sick necessitating his wife to look after him on a continual basis.
Wife:-I tell you fool but you  never agreed.I always tell you to be careful while purchasing anything from the market to find whether it is genuine or not.
Now you purchased those medicines ;neither did it work but the money was wasted for nothing!

To rob Peter and pat Paul

Begger:-Babu you had been giving me Rs10/-per day but for the last few days you are paying me only Re 1/-. Why so.
Babu:-Arreh at that time I was bachelor.Now that I am married since the last seven days.
Begger:-You Rascal ;you are maintaining your wife on my money? Are you not ashamed of doing so!
Babu fainted ....😂

Simple question and simple answer

TEACHER:-TELL ME THE NAME OF 4 AMPHIBIANS

STUDENT:-FROG
TEACHER:-AND THE REST THREE
STUDENT:-FROG"S FATHER,FROG'S MOTHER AND FROG'S GIRL FRIEND SIR.😂

Truth is stranger than fiction

Two big liars and a person who speaks truth only being friends were talking to one another.
The first friend said"Do you know my elder brother could run even faster than an arrow.He used to start to  run the moment the arrow was released from the bow.He always reached the destination even much before the arrow could hit the target"
The second friend said "Ha  ha  heard lot of your elder brother.Better do not talk shits anymore.just think of my elder brother whose speed was even higher than that of a bullet"
The third friend quipped "All rubbish.My elder brother was a government emloyer having an office hour from 10am till 5 pm but he always used to come back latest 3pm.Now tell me who is fastest?"😂😂😂

Legal ramifications

Interesting- This Can Happen Only In USA

These incidents took place in North Carolina, USA.

A lawyer purchased a box of rare and expensive cigars, then  insured them against, among other things, loss due to FIRE.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great   cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of Small Fires.'

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that   the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued and WON! 

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that   the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer  held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the  cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable  'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss  of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.

NOW FOR THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer cashed the cheque, the insurance company had him  arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!

With his own insurance claim and  testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was  convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was  sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This true story won First Place in last year's Criminal Lawyers Award  contest in USA.

MAMA (METARNAL UNCLE)

MAMA(MATERNAL UNCLE)
Let me share with a real story.My elderbrother was a student of Bidhan chandra Agriculture university and was a very brilliant student. His name was A.S.Bhattacharya.
One day he along with his friends Amrit da  and Dilu da came to the house and sought permission from my parents to take my 2nd brother and me  to the university to attend to the annual general function where Manna Dey,inter alia, would be coming to perform overnight.yes that was ever the spectacular function I had ever attended.Next day it came to an end at about 3 am in the morning and we were allowed to slip in the beds of my elder brother and Amrit Dab perhaps at Dharma put hostel. In any case by 7 am we had to be ready for going back to Howrah station from Kalyani.Lot of young men  was there in the Howrah  bound train.
At kanchrapara station(again I can not recollect the name ) the TT  boarded the train and immediately there was a hilarious shout to the effect "Hey mama(meternal uncle) has coooomeeee "The TT  was a tall fellow with a sound physique and solemn personality never asked for the tickets of those boys but was asking for tickets by pick and choose.ultimately he came to us and demanded tickets which were shown duly by Amrit Da.In the process he asked for one ticket of one young man sitting beside us. In response he simply shouted Mamaaa with a naughty smile on his lips  and there was a wave of laughter in the entire compartment The TT  did not ask for the ticket and went other side.
After about 5 minutes or so he came back to the young man who shouted Mamaaa  and asked him vereey politely" my dear though you called me mana yet I could not recognise you.see I don't have any sister of my own.yes I have two cousin sisters one of whom was married to a pakistani national  zia by name  which was a love marriage and the other I am really sorry to say has become a prifessional call girl in Bombay.So please tell me to which sister you belong to?"
There was pin drop silence in the compartment.

Things to do

*Beautiful   Message*!!

💬   If    You    Are    Right    Then     There    is     No    Need    to    Get    Angry ...

💬   And    If    You    Are    Wrong    Then    You     Don't     Have    Any    Right    to    Get    Angry.

💬   Patience    With    Family    is   Love .....

💬   Patience    With    Others    is   Respect.

💬   Patience     With     Self     is   Confidence   And   Patience   With   GOD   is   Faith.

💬   Never    Think    Hard    About    The    PAST ,    It    Brings    Tears...

💬   Don't    Think    More    About   The   FUTURE ,   It   Brings   Fear...

💬  Live   This   Moment   With   A   Smile ,  It    Brings   Cheer.

💬  Every     Test     in    Our    Life   Makes   Us   Bitter   Or   Better .....

💬   Every   Problem   Comes   To   Make   Us   Or   Break   Us  !

💬   The      Choice     is       Ours   Whether   We   Become   Victims   Or   Victorious.

💬   Beautiful   Things    Are    Not   Always   Good   But   Good  Things   Are   Always   Beautiful ......

💬   Do   You   Know    Why    God  Created   Gaps  between  Fingers ?  So     That     Someone ,    Who    is     Special    To    You ,   Comes    And   Fills   Those    Gaps ,   By   Holding   Your   Hand   Forever.

💬   " Happiness "   Keeps   You ....  Sweet   But   Being   Sweet   Brings   Happiness.

○Don't expect but accept notwithstanding it may bleed you

DOWN MEMORY LANE

Down memory lane.
            A brief recital.

December 30th 1976 the journey that started from Kolkata is coming to a halt on 30th January 2016 at Bengaluru station. Please allow me to go back three or four days.Having graduated from one of the prestigious college with a very satisfactory rankings at the age 19+,I was pursuing some professional courses.Meanwhile I appeared for P.O examination in various nationalised banks. And no communication till 27th December 1976.My 2nd elder brother one day !.e.23 rd December 1976 took me to one of his  amateur astrologer cum friend who predicted that  I be employed and to leave west Bengal by that year 1976.That was the first and last prediction that came true in my life.On 27 December I got a telegram to the effect that I was selected as a probationary officer with union bank of India and was asked to report for duty at our Guwahati(Assam) Development office by 30 th of December.
On 28th December I had been to my college to seek blessings from our prefect  father Joris.while I touched his feet to seek his blessings ,he drew me to his chest and recited in his bary tone voice"My son the woods are lovely dark and deep you will have to go a miles and miles away  before you could sleep" you are no more in this world but you must have seen from up that I have kept your promise to walk miles and miles  without any self interest but for the benefit of bank ,my colleagues and others.Your last sentence "go and kiss the sky" was misconstrued by me in  literal sense and my repeated but feeble effort to kiss was a big and big miss 😁😂always till I  realised that you wanted me to travel extensively. Father during my entire service career I have had the opportunity to travel east west north and south.
I am proud to say that during this long journey ,I was never derailed either by memorandum or charge sheet despite the fact I was all along an aggressive bank officer.Father your advice that if you work transparently and without any ulterior motive,nothing bad can touch you. you were correct. However my journey has been delayed quite often courtesy my close friends.
But I was not demoralised as suffering for a good cause is no less a reward for me. On the EVE of my retirement  I have forgiven all those friends not because of the fact they deserve forgiveness but because I need peace.Yes it includes the said special friend who tried to damage my reputation  very recently I only want him to remember the days not so very far when his very close relative was injured severely on a road accident and it was  I who spent couple of sleepless nights for him  and arranged every thing from hospitalisation to operation and follow up treatment all in your absence.And number of your so called Well wishers  never spent even a single moment.I never expect gratitude but remain ever grateful to others.
Last but not least I would like to put in record that I am indeed grateful to all my colleagues and my beloved bank without whom I could not become what I am to day.on 30th Jan 2016 my journey will be terminated at Bengaluru  and I will take leave of you.I beg to be excused if I have(generally this is not my habit) misbehaved with or hurt any body in any manner.
Time Marches on but memories stays .
Torturing  us Silently the rest of our days.Let my memories be my fixed deposit to bank upon my residual days .ADIEU AMIGO  ADIEU  MY FRIENDS.The road we have travelled has come to an end.All my good wishes.